In Memory of Al

Today I went to the memorial service for my hebrew and Bat Mitzvah teacher, Allen Samlin. He died about a week and a half ago at the age of 80. He was an incredible person who was so passionate about what he taught. He always called me (and everyone really) "babelah". He had a raspy voice but he sung in a high high pitch. His pupils moved like they were in water. Whenever I went to their house, Al and Rose would always offer me a little nosh, a little snack. Our house has heard hours and hours of his voice singing in our house when I played the tapes of the prayers over and over learning my torah portion. Once I tried to write a biography piece about him, which turned into a piece about him and his wife, Rose, because the two are so unified in my mind. But I couldn't do it - I couldn't ask the right questions (the hard questions). I was overwhelmed by the enormity of their lives, and this impossible role I had to write it down, or distill something poinient and useful to people who don't even know them.

I guess I'm still dealing with that in my life and my work now. How can I authentically tell someone else's story, while still being true to their spirit and essence and whatever it is that I love (or hate?) about them. What is the difference between simplifying a life for the purposes of writing a story, or clarifying a theme -- an outsider picking which stories to tell and which to cut -- versus exploiting someone, or getting the whole story wrong? As I'm working on my Division III, I'm constantly trying to figure out this question -- where am I overstepping my bounds, and where am I enabling a story to be shared that would otherwise not be told?

I know I only knew a small small part of this person, but he has touched my life deeply in his dedication to everyone around him. He led his life doing exactly what he was passionate about, and loved it.

photographic evidence

FALL 2008: A SEASON OF LEARNING

The Tag Sale
There is nothing for sale at the TAG SALE. Please come and bring a piece of clothing which holds special meaning or a story within it. At the event, we will write the stories (in as vague or specific words as you would like) onto clothing TAGS and sew them into the garments. The items will be added to the clothing rack, where the community's stories will be displayed for perusal.
This will be a celebration of the humble artifacts that witness our complex lives everyday.




Secrets Under the Couch
You are invited to add a lost or secret memory to the objects lost under this couch. Please use the provided note cards.



Hopscotch
Really, the best means of travel from one part of the hallway to the eight feet in front of it.


Elsewhen, Meanwise, Otherwhere
the results of the Elsewherians Mail Art I was working on at the beginning of the semester. Check out the last image... I'm really quite proud and incredibly amazed at what came of the beautiful scraps of fabric Grant sent me, which I turned into the beginnings of a quilt, which turned into this beautiful piece of art.

2009 Hampshire College Commencement Poster Art
My submission is map - of the paths we create at Hampshire, of the identities we uncover, claim, or reinvent, of the places we've been and the places we will go. P.S. I REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO USE PHOTOSHOP!


My Super-Hot Family
Thanksgiving, 2008

ONLINE: Final Project for Art, Community, and Cultural Diversity (My UMass Class)
The documentation of our one-day, bus intervention. Met at first with a harsh note from the Pionneer Valley Transit Authority, I think in the end a good ole' conversation would've set them right on what an awesome project this was.

Mobile-Installations: El Tiburon
The beginning of an evolving installation in my car. Art on the go, for those with little time to spare walking around in circles pointlessly in galleries.

{the dangling object is a kid-made "mezuzzah" I picked up after someone left it behind in the kids service from Yom Kippur. It says one thing that this kid is going to work on in the coming year, and one thing that this person is sorry for from the last year}

{navigation device. moved to a spot next to the whales because joe told me i'd die if the airbag exploded out of the steering wheel. fyi}

{bumper-stickers: "the awesomest THERAPEUTIC transport service!" "Babes not Babies" "Obama/Biden 2008"

maps charts and appendixes

{projects ongoing in pink. projects not started in blue. ideas and reoccurring (inexplicably!) concepts in purple. lines somewhat random.}


{when i put it like this, i remember i've accomplished much more than i think i have -- especially when it's late and i'm tired and still working and yet it seems that everyone else is happily on their ways to Med School. so yeah, this basically counts as a resume, right??}


{this makes me an official artist}

totally hard core

For the last few days a few things have been influencing my decisions and actions: "Is this hardcore?" "Is this punk rock?" "Is this western-Massachusetts?" Not that I validly have any claim to any of these descriptions.

Yesterday I wore a flannel shirt from salvation army which is too big for me but very hardcore. And then on top I wore a red puffy vest, something I picked up in a free pile at the end of my first year and before coming to MA would've never seen myself wearing ever. Then, I drove myself to my favorite neighborhood hardware store, True Value, and picked up some 2 x 4s and wood stain. yep. to build myself a coat rack. When I was looking at the closet hardware, someone asked me, "How late are you open tonight?" and it took me a minute but then I realized, "oh, I don't work here. but I think 5pm." THAT'S how hardcore and authentic I looked yesterday. Also, I think it was the confident swagger. the, yes. I'm going to build something and just do this even though the project is due tomorrow and I have lots of self doubts. Take that, 24-hours-in-a-day.

All this is because it's nearing the end of the semester, and I'm not-so-suddenly realizing that I've spread myself a little thin this semester, and I've done a ton of stuff, but I'm not totally sure what. And so I had a critique today that was three weeks from my last critique, and I wasn't sure what to show! I didn't have anything! why!?!?! It can't have been because of the giant mailbox project I orchestrated, the social justice lunch series I'm trying to organize, the dialogue workshop I attended, the hopscotch board I've been drawing and jumping in the art barn, the Jason Anderson concert I loved, the amazing storefrontART ARThappening event/poetry reading/dance party that I got to be a part of, the letters and birthday cards I've been sending, the free-art-supplies/junk collecting I've been doing, the stupid UMass class I've been attending even though I should have dropped it, or the massive inter-departmental mail assault I've instigated between GE and Merrill house offices.

So I used this as an opportunity to do an "exercise" or a "sketch" -- a one day project: go. I picked from my long list of potential project the TAG SALE. the idea is that I set up an event where people bring clothing that has sentimental value or a story behind it, and then they write that story (in any form they want) on a tag and we sew it into the garment. Then all the garments are hung on the clothes rack (what I previously called a coat rack??) and available for general perusal. A collective archive of memories and stories. Enlivening inanimate clothing by telling the story of the things that have happened to it. Clothing as an object experiencing parts of our real lives.

ANYWAYS. I was really annoyed by my last-minute-ness of it all, but had to just keep giving it up and keep going. I was super crazy last night. I ran around from one commitment to another, and then ran into the woodshop with an hour and a half until Greg, my advisor and shop supervisor, was going to leave for the night. I got my wood and Greg and I built a damn clothes rack. It looked kinda shoddy. It wiggled. We kept having to add extra pieces of wood here and there because of unaccounted for mess-ups. I couldn't put enough force behind some of the screws, and had to have Greg finish some of the joints. In the end it was just bigger than my arm span such that I couldn't carry it myself. I can't describe how funny and comforting it was to have Greg, a tall guy with big boots, carrying this lame coat rack with me in a awkward wobble, cursing at all the first year's projects strewn about in our pathway. With my knees hurting and my pants falling down (because I STILL haven't found any of my belts...), I felt really hardcore.

I stained the wood (partially in an effort to cover up the american flag stamp on the wood -- Greg made fun of me endlessly for that part) which helped a lot. And then I made hangars out of cardboard. It seems ridiculous to make a coat rack, and make hangars, when I could just get regular ones, but in the end, I'm really glad I went to all that work. It's kinda a random and scattered experience I'm trying to set up with the art project, so I think it was important to think about and control all the other aspects of it in order to make it my art piece, or an art piece at all. It makes it more than a random rack of clothing with weird labels on it.

And so my critique in class today was great! I was struck by how grateful I am for all those people, even though I was suspicious of them at the beginning of the year. They were all so excited and interested in the project and wanting to participate or at least see more. It's really so validating to have this idea that I half think is stupid be critiqued and questioned and talked about as if it were real and assuming it's valid, by a group of people I respect. Adrian, a kid who was in my original Tutorial class in my first year and has been in a bunch of art classes since with me, said the "shoddyness" and hand-made ness of it all, even in the places where I didn't do the best job or the most professional seamless construction, were great and added to the personal-ness of the piece. It was inviting, they said, because it was as if a friend invited you to a party, and not just some institution or generic invitation. I like that.

This weekend I was in a dialogue workshop about race. It was really a great experience -- to be in a room and have the space and opportunity to have an honest and open dialogue about uncomfortable issues was really great. I found myself getting uncomfortable, or not sure a lot, but then I could also just think, "ok. I feel like X. That's great. Now I'm going to keep being in this conversation anyway because that's just a thought and this is a tricky issue that is filled up with upsetting and unresolved hooks that could pull me under at any moment." I really appreciate the way everyone in the room was so open to being vulnerable and honest. It felt like a very real dialogue, and something to keep those concerns fresh in my head as I'm working and making collaborative opportunities. How to I be inclusive and conscious in everything I do? How is my race playing a factor into what communities I am working with or what I am making? How can my work look at these differences or engage with them?

Another hardcore thing in my potential horizon: An Imperial TransAntarctic Expedition. Living in a sea-shanty on a frozen lake in Minnesota in January. The midwest! I've never been there! boats! I've never lived in one! Making art while freezing! Never done that really either! Must think about the logical-ness of this all (I know I know, not very punk rock), and update soon.

also, I promise a post of just-photographs to make up for my excessive words soon. Like tomorrow. Or maybe I'll actually do some work tomorrow. but you know, soon.

Tonight we're (me, Elizabeth, Luke, Emily, and James -- modmates) are planning on going dumpster diving. I'm not sure what this really entails, but Luke is an expert, and I trust him on most everything. So hopefully that will round out my hard-core night.

ONE WEEK TILL THANKSGIVING!!! I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT TO SEE MY FAMILY!!!

SPEED POST

OMG SO MANY THINGS!

1. the children's center at my school was throwing away a bunch of stuff today so I acquired SO MANY COOL NEW THINGS. including: a bunch of rubber marine animals, a xylephone-looking set of bells, a child's sleeping bag, a rug (which Elizabeth and I both independently titled our "yoga rug"), a wooden horse head on a stick, baskets, hardware, pullies, a beautiful felt tapestry with llamas on it. We started a band with the bells and squeeky rubber marine animals.
   
2. the art barn mail art project is off it's feet! I hope! 27 mailboxes up!
3. I drew a hopscotch in the art barn hallway the other night, late late late. The next day I go in and everyone is hopping back and forth to get to wherever they're going, or having competitions to hop it the best! And they're even following the ridiculous directions I added, like, "spin 180 degrees!" and "touch your toes!" and "do an awesome dance" at the end. Micah wants to extend it to the entire art barn -- so you can hopscotch everywhere! It's really so great to hear people hopping down the hall.
4. I made breakfast for dinner and it was great.
5. today for class one of my classmates presented her work which was a journey into the woods with candles and into this little structure she built which had her music playing. And it was so fun and lovely and inspired me to make maps of the woods, looking for places to do art pieces or installations and it was also just so fun. I need to go into the woods more often!
6. I took down the listening booth. It was depressing to take it apart after working so hard for so long. but it made so much new space for new work! So, I'm on to new things. new new new.
7. Haley and I are doing an art - i - fact show. with found objects and viewers adding stories to them. More on that later.
   
8. I'm back to work! Off to the barn again! AHHH!!
   

a new week in our new america!

We did it! We elected Barack Obama!!
It was really an amazing night. if you haven't seen this video (which is weird because it seems like the entire world has), then check it out: it's Hampshire College in the best spontaneous community art project ever. I should have just yelled out, right before CNN reported Obama's win, "HEY EVERYONE, LET'S ALL GO OUTSIDE AND BE PART OF A LARGER COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE AND CELEBRATE EACH OTHER AND BE EXCITED ABOUT LIFE" and then when everyone came out and did just that, it would actually have been my idea and part of my Division III. In fact, I'd be done and I could just write about squash recipes for the rest of this blog/year. The down side is that now the whole world knows what I sound like screeching.

In other news, my first community art project didn't go so well. I tried to throw together some election-day-map-related-art and it was disappointing. I first learned some things about the graffiti wall: you must paint whatever you're painting all in one session. None of this planning ahead business. I painted the wall blank the night before, and about an hour later went out and found these kids painting it with lame smiley faces or something. I was visibly and audibly disappointed. And they painted over it for me, and made an official sign asking everyone else to leave it alone for one day too! I felt really great about that. But then the next morning, it had some robots and an umbrella on it. LAME.

And then I was crazy for the whole day -- trying to drive vans to the polls, go to class (which was super lame and I should have skipped), go to my other class, and finish everything for my 50 states project, and get my house ready for our elections party. So, in the end nothing got fully accomplished -- everything just almost there. The 50 States project was going to use my coat-hangar map of the USA and we would paint a map on the graffiti wall, and then people gathered could add stories, memories, things to the map and make it our own. But it just kinda looked lame. Everyone there was trying to be supportive and encouraging, and I really appreciated it and enjoyed making it, but it wasn't what I had imagined. So either I need to be more accepting of whatever happens, or I need to be more intense about planning and setting things up and testing my processes. The map we made looked really small on the big wall, and the delicate edges of the wire were totally lost. so, next time I guess.

I also had a committee meeting on Wednesday. Which was really great because I've been feeling really lame and not wanting to do any work. Mainly because my Listening Booth literally collapsed, and is taking up so much room in my art space that I have no room to not look at it and not see how much I hate it. BUT! My committee said that it's OK TO JUST PUT IT ASIDE, AND START SOMETHING ELSE! I knew this, but it's really gratifying to have someone else tell you that it's really fine to put aside/take apart/stop working on something that you've already put a lot of time and money (and joann's coupons) into, and that it's ok and you can use the parts later and you're still awesome. So I'm going to tackle that tomorrow. wow. how exciting.

Other projects started (which the whole art barn is pumped about which makes me even more pumped!!) is the Art Barn Post Office:


In other news, I get very lonely when I stay up too late. Also, I've been feeling homesick. I'm really excited for Thanksgiving. I really can't wait to see my family. and my brother who's really too cool at school, on the bowling league or the social chair for his house, or the cool physics dudes, and going to grant park the night barack obama is elected... geeze, call a sister once in a while, huh?

But in good news, I'm writing this right now feeling pretty great. I went to an art show tonight at UMass and it featured work of both a family friend from New York who introduced me to the curator, but also an Elsewhere Artist! Someone (angela z.) who was at Elsewhere last summer and I never met, but saw her work and heard about. And it was so great! I saw her piece, a sprawling cardboard cave with kintted eyes peeking out of every corner, and I immediately knew it was her work. I peeked inside the cave and she's in there, knitting with three foot long needles. And she is wearing a costume and embodying the character of the "spacemaker", but she breaks character to talk with me. and it's really just so lovely. So nice to indulge in Elsewhere-speak. And best of all, I saw all these parts of her work, that were like little clues back to Elsewhere, or reminded me of a certain ribbon I saw everywhere, and it made total sense! All those pieces were things she did! It really reinforced how much that place both holds on to pieces of you, but also lets them go. because while the pieces are still there, without people who know you, the pieces don't always make sense and just become part of the mess. (metaphorical/philosophical conclusion approaching:) maybe it represents life; we are messy, and until we can understand or at least glimpse at meaning and stories behind each other's actions and residue, things just look like a heap of junk.

I've been hoping each day since Tuesday was Saturday, and tomorrow I will wake up and it will indeed be Saturday. maybe I will finally fix my bike. And have lunch with the girls. And get started on a new art project.

sweet dreams. lets talk soon, ok?
aliya

going to new haampshhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire (part 2).

*******************************

And then it's time to go! I pull into a drive-in starbucks which is huge (I think it was a denny's previously). I cannot figure out what to get. I want something with the words "pumpkin spice" and "mocha" and "coffee" in it. For some reason, this creates a lot of confusion. also, I dont want milk. but in the end, i say, yeah, a little milk please. The guy on the speaker is unbelievably patient for a saturday night. At the next window, we talk about life, and our futures, and following your passion, not whatever you think will make you a lot of money, and i feel good about life in general, and people who inhabit it.

The roads at night in new england are just as lovely as in the day. I see stars, and trees, and no one is around to flash their headlights in my mirrors, causing me to be jealous of their really shiny and newer headlights that work, as opposed to the kinda-bright lights on my car. I feel protected because the car I am driving first was my grandparents, then went to texas (and is protected by the texas sticker still on it's windshield), then it came to florida where my dad drove it and went to yoga a lot and told us to wipe our hands on our pants, not the car seats. I feel happy to be driving home, and to have friends so many places that love me. I feel happy that I'm not getting lost. I feel happy to make forts and cocoons for my Div 3 because I like making homes. I feel ok that I don't know where "I'm from" because I can make a new home somewhere else. I feel increasingly jittery and silly and smile-y and less-imminently-tired as I drink the coffee concoction, which tastes kinda like pumpkin rinds, really really sweet stuff, and a tiny bit like coffee. it's kinda good actually.

i see roadkill. it's really really big. and steaming. like freshly killed. it scares me, gives me the jitters. I can't believe how sad it makes me feel.

I realize my inner DJ is telling me, "mountain goats" and I'm like, "totes brillz!" So I put on the mountain goats and it is the perfect music for my drive. As I get closer to home, I realize that I really need to listen to "going to georgia" which is the song which first introduced me to the mountain goats, by two high school friends, after high school, at some slightly awkward but awesome reunion, and i realized i really loved them. I can still imagine them singing this song whenever I hear it. So I started getting really into this song, and replaying it. about 14 times in a row. really. that many times. And every time we (me and the mountain goats) got to this part of the song, I had to yell it, not just sing it. yell it:

the most remarkable thing about coming home to you is the feeling of being in motion again.
its the most extraordinary thing in the world.

i have two big hands and heart pumping blood
and a 1967 colt
45
with a busted safety catch.

the world shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines
as i cross the macon
county line
going to georgiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway
IS THAT IT'S YOU.
AND THAT YOU'RE STANDING. IN THE DOORWAY.
and you smile as you ease the gun from my hand
and i'm
frozen with joy
right where i stand
the world throws it's light underneath your hair
40 miles from atlanta
this is
.
nooowhere

goin' to georgiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

the world SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINESSSS
as i CROSS THE MACON COUNTY LINE
going to georgiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.


I am home. I drop my stuff, grab my painted broken gigantic boom box which is my made up instrument, and head over to my friends mod. He is having a birthday party. yesterday, he let me be in his band for hampshire halloween, a real gig with actual people, even though I do not play a real instrument. I played this pretend instrument. The "gingleschlopperfindlesphiel". Last night no one could hear the instrument (because actually, it doesn't make any noises) Tonight I was going to sing him a birthday song on this instrument.

I get to the house and begin to preform. I organized the antenna, and suddenly, the instrument works! It makes noises very much like me singing and humming! I am so hyped up on no sleep and caffeine I am laughing the whole time and my song is in a very high pitch. It's a really lovely song. about david letting me be in his band, and about his cool mutton-chops, and about how i'm glad we are friends. and how this song was much better when I was thinking about it on my ride home. and david and everyone else loved it.

and so now i'm home. in my bed. about to sleep a full nights sleep for the first time all week. and then i can freak out about work tomorrow. everytime i move i feel queezy from that coffee and sleepy headachey blech. i think my hands are shaking for the same reason and can't really type correctly. but in general i'm shaking from excitement.

I'm sorry this post was so long and ramble-y. you can skip it if you are bored. or just think i'm a lame-o for crying so much today. or just go vote for obama instead of thinking any of those things. i hope you are all having a great night, and that you someday get to preform a song on the gingleschnorperhopensplinkertink while crazy on caffeine.

In conclusion, today was very much about my division three work: i created community all over the freaking place, and interacted with all these people in ways i never would have otherwise.

thank you all for your support everywhere (thank you dad).
aliya

we interrupt this blog post for this bizarre interaction

right now we are in a hostage situation. there is a strange drunk, confused man outside our door, who swears that mod 66 is actually mod 99, and that he just needs to get inside and go to sleep. I opened the door to a knock about 10 minutes ago, because I thought it was one of our locked-out mod-mates and, because I was pissed at our messy mod, I opened the door very forcefully. which hit this very confused person in the face.
HIM:oh man you really fucked up my face. i'm bleeding right now (he wasn't).
{he comes inside rubbing his face, and gently closes the door, not in a predator way, but a "man, i got hit in the face just right now" way}
ME: what are you doing?
HIM: I just don't want to get hit again.
{ELIZABETH enters from upstairs.}
ME: who are you?
HIM: I'm looking for Ben {and then motioned upwards, so either Ben lives in a rocket, or on a higher floor somewhere. but we know it's not in mod 66}
US: but ben doesn't live here
HIM: well, can I just sleep on your floor?
US: um, we don't know you.
HIM: i just need somewhere to sleep.
US: no. i'm sorry.
HIM: should I leave?
US: yes. sorry.
{we close the door and leave him on the porch}
{ALIYA runs to close all window shades and turn out the lights and sit on the couch hissing at elizabeth to sit down.}
{ELIZABETH practically calls public safety and reports the situation.}
{ALIYA thinks about being invaded about alien predators and how elizabeth's room would be the best strong-hold because it has a bolt lock, it's on the second floor, and has only one window. }
{PUBLIC SAFETY ARRIVES}
PUBS: blah blah blah stuff, where are you from, no, what are you doing, where's your id, I'm not trying to be scary, we're just looking for your friend, blah
HIM: i'm just trying to go to bed, i'm really cold, i don't want to be arrested -- i'm just trying to get in this mod,
PUBS: but you don't live here
HIM:i'm just trying to get into 99.
PUBS: but this isn't 99
HIM: I just need to go to sleep.
PUBS: Let's find your friend.
....
PUBS: ok he's gone. he found his friend. the end [note: secret mysterious pubsafety officer that certain friend may know of is part of the pubs posse. however, he looks stupid and borring.]

predatory/skeezy/sad situation averted. elizabeth feels ready to write a novel and solve murder mysteries, aliya still feels queezy in stomach from previous parts of night/day, and previously intended blog post is resumed. also, living room is still messy, but now more-blockade-like.

going to new haaaaampshiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrre.

***a blog post involving non-division three activities. even though i thought this would be a div 3 blog and i was trying to be professional.***

{{{WARNING. IT'S REALLY WAY TOO LONG. SORRY.}}}

today i've felt gittery and shakey and sore/achey for many different reasons, mostly compounded. no, i was not inflicted by rabid beasts or even bad things. I was inflicted by obama pride and inspiration, over-tiredness, a pinch of dissappointment, capoeira, too many sweet things in one day, pms, walking around all day in the cold, mccain supporters, cold cars at night, rocking music, roadkill, and finally, a mocha-pumpkin-pie-syrup-coffee (with a little milk) (but not a latte).

go to bed at 2:45am (because had to work for the halloween event and then prepare for today). wake up at 7:32am. climb down bed-ladder and curse at phone. re-set alarm and pointlessly go back to sleep for 7 minutes. wake up and realize i really do need to shower. shower. get dressed in a somewhat respectable manner. make a sandwich. eat a bowl of cereal. pack my bag. leave hampshire at 8:35am. I am headed for new hampshire, to obama headquarters in keene new hampshire. I am alone because i did not manage to enroll anyone to come with me very early in the morning, the day after hampshire halloween, to new hampshire to walk around in the cold for obama for an undetermined amount of time. I say, f- you everyone. now i get to choose exactly the music i want, and i don't have to listen to any of you with your shitty music tastes.

I am driving and new england is beautiful! trees! leaves! fields! houses! roads! wow! I pass everywhere that is familiar and continue driving north! suddenly, I am in new hampshire and there are about 50 million political signs EVERYWHERE. like, Massachusetts = nothing, New Hampshire = everyone. Maybe MA isn't actually voting this year.

I call my dad and tell him that I am scared about talking to people. we practice. I realize that I actually sound pretty good. i convince him to vote for obama.

I listen to NPR but then it stops talking about politics (i.e. gets borring) so I suddenly think about a single note from a postal service song. so I realize that the radio is telling me to start playing postal service songs. So i oblige, and realize that my head is a genious dj. I am suddenly not scared and pumped and ready to go face mccain supporters (and scary obama supporters).

I get to Keene NH! I go to the headquarters which is a sketchy warehouse down a road! There are billions of people! and signs! and donuts! and no one is paying attention to me. I say, "hello! I am volunteering! i havent done this! i don't know what i'm doing!" they have run out of canvassing packets and so they tell me to hold a sign for "visibility". This seems extremely lame, but I am determined that it is ok! I walk out and suddenly feel extremely alone. I am holding a large sign and all alone. and extremely emotional. I call my dad, and he tells me it's totally fine. I am moved by the idea of obama being president, very tired, and alone. I decide i will find some other people and not be alone. I wipe away my tears (#1), and walk on!

in the middle of the town rotary, there are a billion obama people! i join them! We hold signs and make eye contact and wave and people either honk at us and wave and be happy, or shake their heads, give us the thumbs down, or in one case, give me the finger. awesome! But, I definitely saw more obama stickers than (any) mccain bumperstickers. just sayin.

the people I stood next to were awesome! Rebecca and Kevin were from around here, and she was an ESOL teacher, and then this other lady, Sharon, was a dance teacher for Greenfield Community College. So we LEARNED A DANCE!! I learned how to tap dance WHILE campaigning for obama! Its called the Shim Sham Shuffle. it has 7 parts. that's a lot of parts. We were out there for about 2.5 hours.

Then a van drove up and said they needed people down the road to challenge the mccain people there who had a LOUDSPEAKER. OH NO!! we piled in, even though it was a slightly sketchy situation (but i thought it was ok because i was with my new friends!), and went down to the highway off-ramp intersection. it was crazy! people on all sides! they were saying, "McCain for Freedom!" "McCain for Leadership!" "Live Free -- Vote McCain!" I guess they were appealing to the NH motto: "Live Free or Die". They were like a whole family I guessed. They were very enthusiastic. they were yelling and screaming the whole time, never loosing energy it seemed. But, I started a cheer, one I learned in North carolina, and felt silly at the time, but now proudly sing:
"Oh oh oh, Obama, oh oh BARACK Obama!" It was in our heads all day!

I also really wanted to talk to the McCain family. I said, "HELLO!" really awkwardly. and one turned his head. but then I said, "HOW ARE YOU GUYS TODAY?" and he said, "FINE. AND YOU?" "FINE. THANK YOU." and that was the end of our meaningful talk. I wanted to ask, "I don't want to be combative, but I'd really love to know why you are supporting McCain?" I wanted to have a dialogue. Also, all day I felt vaguely protective of the Mccain supporters we saw. I wanted everyone to play nice.

But instead we all passive agressively yelled out our candidates! Cars driving through that intersection were really confused. They had to point at the person they liked, then wave or yell or honk in their direction. And if they were doing a drive-by-honk, they usually had to change their thumb direction or honking excitement half way through when the line changed from one set of signs to the other. Then it was 2:10 and we were very tired! We walked back to Headquarters. I said bye to my McCain Friends, and he smiled too big. He thinks I was giving up. NO WAY. but I do hope he had a good day.

So we went back to headquarters and ate things. There were many many many baloney sandwiches in little baggies. but I didn't eat those.

And then I wanted to canvass. That's what I was scared about and what i drove all this way to do. I said I had an hour. They said, well, do you want to hold a sign?! (dissappointment) um, no. (walk away lamely) I guessed I'd leave. I said goodbye to Rebecca and Kevin. They were awesome. we hugged.

I walked outside (crying #2). went to a coffee shop and sat in a chair in a ball. I'd driven all this way to hold a sign for 4 hours? Call Dad. we decide I should go back. Yeah! I'm going to do it! On the way I call my brother. I'm pissed he's not listening to me. I get frustrated and start to hang up but then he asks me if I'm ok, and I start crying again (#3) and tell him tired, cold, confused, lame, etc. He says, "Aliya, I think it's really great that you went up to NH and are doing this." I love my brother. I am empowered and head into the headquarters.

We decide I should go to phone bank! I walk with some really great boss-volunteer person, who makes me laugh and acts like a mom in a good way and takes care of me. I end up in the Democratic Campaign office. which is a shitty hole in the wall. with A LOT OF SIGNS EVERYWHERE. I sit down with a list of people who we are identifying as obama supporters or not, and then tuesday we're going to make sure the obama people get to the polls. These people are sick and tired of politics. It was kinda funny.
ME: hi I"m aliya and i'm volunteering to talk to voters about barack obama and jeanne scheehen. How are you today?
THEM: I'm alright. listen, you people need to stop calling me. this is the fifth phone call i've gotten today, and i just had someone at my door too. I'm a registered republican, and my husband is running for a county seat, and you need to stop calling me! this is just rude! please tell your supervisor that!"
ME: i'm very sorry ma'am. I promise not to call you again and thank you for being patient with us.

I catch myself being ageist and assuming things based on the age and gender listed next to the name and phone number on the phone lists. I actually really enjoy talking to these people even when they're mad at me for calling so much. It's kinda like prank calling but for change!

amanda calls! she is my supervisor from when i worked in dakin two years ago. She works in Keene now! We're going to have dinner together! Awesome! I leave the Democratic place, and wish them luck with dragging new hampshire out to the polls on tuesday.

I leave and call dad again, telling him I'm done and he can stop worrying. He is also super proud of me for making a difference, even though it didn't look like what i thought it would look like. I cry again (#4).

I meet up with amanda, see her new place and her and it's great. then she took me out to dinner with her house director coworkers/friends and it's really cool! They talk about their interns (RAs) a lot, and I wonder, "is this what my house directors do all the time too? probably. we're basically awesome."

Then we talk more and she tells me that her new staff has officially challened her old staff (us.) to a big game of Dance Dance Revolution. which means, that she still loves us. Also, she had the name tag I made her on her office door. It had the most glitter and ribbons on it of all the nametags she had. its really nice to see her and remember that i have people who really get me and what I'm about and want to support me in what I'm up to and where I'm going.

******************

moremoremoremore everywhere nowlater

tonight was a really lovely night at the art barn. I forgot my headphones, so instead I got to hear all my neighbors singing along with their music.

Also, today I learned how to tap (make the threads for a screw) a metal hole, I made a pretend-instrument (out of a huge old boom box), I helped Joe vote (for Barack Obama), I purchased and decorated my very first christmas tree (you'll never know how much this Jew wished she could have a christmas tree to decorate), finally got the much-awaited book, "Learning To Love You More" by Miranda July and Harrell Fletcher (I checked it out of the Amherst College Library and I think I'll just keep it forever...), read entirely too many political blogs (moremoremoremore), and made some shitty art (Joe called it, "Garden Gazeebo Art").

So many things to write about, so many projects happening! I will update again this weekend with pictures and words. Thank you all for your support and interest in my work! I will figure out a way to get you involved soon.

***
aliya

art spaces and beyond

Hello everyone. It's been a while! Things have been going going going, but at the same time, it feels like I've gotten off to a slow start. I hate that. the constant push and pull, or constant reminding myself that I am getting things done or started or moving. I'm doing something. so.... what exactly??

WELL. First I had to set up my space. I realized that my studio was not set up for awesomeness. It was not somewhere I was excited and pumped to go to. It was not a space for community!! So:



here's the space as you walk into the barn, down the hall of my awesome peers. I'm number 9.
This is looking in. I'm in the front space, and Micah is in the back space. He's pretty great. he's there most of the time so it's not too lonely, and he's really fun to talk to. I'm gonna set up a special mail art project with him -- make a little mailbox in our spaces and we'll see where that goes. In this picture you can also see the welcome center. more later.

This is part of the listening booth I'm building. It's going to be an opportunity for anyone who signs up to be listened to (by me) or listen (to others who have signed up). I'm wondering what's the best space to make conducive to listening and telling? and what actually happens when i make that opportunity available? The astro turf is kinda something else.
more listening booth. It's very coocoon like, I know. also, womb, fort, bed canopy. yes. I know. these things keep coming up. its like my life theme. Which is weird for me. but whatever.Shelves! and things found! And fabric stored!


desk! lots of shelves!

I hung up the pieces I finished from last year. They were so in the way everywhere. But here they're on bike hooks really high up. so they're still accessible and not ruined, but also not in my way all the time. also, they look super cool upside down and hung up really high. (the ladder I used to get them up there is another terrifying story. But I had a spotter/helper mom, I promise!)

this is part 3 of the three part wearable sculpture hanging above my space. That's also the (incomplete) top of the listening booth.

inside of the listening booth. hand-dyed onion-skin pink-yellow-y fabric.

future outside of the listening booth. A rouching pattern inspired by one brian hitsleberger, an Elsewhere artist in residence, who described his vision of his exploding room installation with this type of sewing. I used a slopy/rough version of it and just loved loved loved the look -- the order compared to the more organic insides. I think it'll look great when it's all around the whole thing.


more insides of the listening booth.

part of the communication/welcome center. Micah makes calls here all the time. I was just messing around with the broken electronics I had laying around. I think it could be really cool if there was a recorder/mic in the phones (and obviously everyone would know that) and then when you picked up the phone it would start recording and people could leave messages. it could be a year long documentation of things people say. or maybe it could go in the listening booth.

this is the start of my wire-hangar map. It's all (or soon to be all) 50 states made of coat-hangars. I think it's funny because Texas, Deleware, California and New Jersey are all the same size. My idea with this one is that I would present it in a way (with paper behind it or something) that people would add their stories, memories, thoughts about a place to that part of the map, and only with all those stories added to it will the piece be completed. The memories and thoughts will be as distored as the map, and the map will be a distored map/view/ lense of the community. we'll see where that one goes too.



Some other awesome things:

1. This is the third time that it's happened. I go into the art barn, and Greg sees me and says, "Oh, Aliya, I've been looking for you. I found some _____ in the dumpster --- do you want it?" This has included: some awesome mosquito net fabric in a beautiful saffron color, some astro-turf, and a big bag of bating, fancy suede fabric, and yellow parachute fabric. He drags it out of wherever he found it and helps me move it into my space! I love free things! And, it's like I have this scout searching the world for awesome aliya-things! It feels great.
2. I found out the other day that the big bag of fabric that Greg most recently found for me, was in fact Haley's!! Haley is an awesome friend, someone who has taken so many of the same classes as me that we decided we better become friends because we may be the same person. She is really incredible and does some amazing work and motivates people in such powerful ways. So, we are a team, and will inevitably collaborate this year. She is a great support, and the other day we were having a pow-wow meeting because we weren't feeling so great about where the UMass class was going, and not only did we pump each other up about the class and possibilities, but I found out that the bag of fabric I inherited was from her! Her mom found it, and Haley'd been dragging it around for so long and finally just dumped it at Hampshire. And now I have it! I love it. I love histories of things! And that now, whatever I make from it has a bit of her story in it too!
   
3. I got the internship at storefrontART in Northampton. I see this as a way to work with a real-life community arts organization that's mission is to bring art and community together in new ways. storefrontART takes storefronts that are in-between rents or unoccupied, and then coordinates local artists using them for studios, galleries, or performances/installations. They also have a ton of other kinds of ways of interacting with the community - I'm really interested in their every-few-months ARThappenings which I think are big coordinated events in different spaces which brings lots of different artists together under one theme, or something like that. I hope it's like an art happening that I've read about and want to create myself. They also have ARTspeak, which are smaller skill shares or workshops or talks that are given for and by the community. All of this is kinda new and unfamiliar, and we just had our first intern meeting last Thursday. I have some mixed feelings about it -- I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing actually, I'm worried it's not enough "actual engagement" with the community, I'm unsure what "community" we're actually talking about or serving here, and I'm worried I'll become a task do-er instead of an integral creative contributor -- not just muscle but brain too. I'm fine doing some muscle work, but, from my Elsewhere internship, I found that I really work best when I'm contributing to the institution too, not just supporting it.
4. I'm looking for and tackling some grants. there are so many. but also so many constraints and limitations. It will be good cause i'm finding lots for sorta "next year/real life" things. Also, a grant to fund a non-paying summer internship... (elsewhere???!?!?)
   
5. I'm finishing up my mail art project with the group of Elsewhereians. Its showing in New Zeland on October 22. I don't even totally understand it but it's been great fun, getting mail all the time and adding to it and being jumpstarted and in the art making groove. it's had me start making mail art contacts with lots of people. and new collaborations are coming out of that!! so, I'm excited.
   

Other things going on:

1. I fixed my winter hat that i made last winter but it was sorta a cone-head. its getting cold here and i'm happy to have this hat. also, i got a hair cut from my neighbor and i am relishing in the asymmetricality!!
2. I had a reunion of the people who went to the Dominican Republic with me last January for a month-long design/build/community course there. It was amazing and it was so lovely to see them all again. It made me remember and miss all my communities everywhere. got a little lonely when it was time to leave, but was ok with that. I've been thinking about how difficult it is to stay in touch, to keep tabs on everyone, to hold everyone as close as I want, whether it's on my side or their's -- or just because of the big distances in between. I miss everyone, and sometimes I feel like I just have to put a relationship in the freezer, and wait till I can take it out again. It'll still be good, I just have to put things on hold until we are close enough again. Or something. Its really great to catch up with old friends.
   
3. I've been having great conversations all over the place. Communicating on new levels, and also getting feedback from my peers, and other people who are studying community art -- Haley, Will, Molly, Cory, Kelley, Emily. It's really validating to get their support and have this group to bounce ideas off of. Sometimes it's hard because it seems like everyone else has their shit together way more than I do. But that's also good because then it kick-starts me. Like after talking to Will today I see I really need to talk with my committee members more. I've been afraid to take up their time! how silly. So yeah! talking to people is good. important. it's how I process things really.
   
4. My modmates have been very great and wonderful. I love how we can convene in the kitchen and have a great discussion over various different meals being cooked all at once. Also, Elizabeth keeps making so many different experiments, which means that we eat a lot of baked goods and today, different kinds of dumplings and a strange sweet eggplant (I think the eggplant was a jab/joke at me... because I put cinnamon in everything... which I learned from my best friend in 5th grade's mom, and I think is awesome.)
   
5. Cooking has been theraputic. My residential house (the larger area where I work as an Residential Assistant / Residential Life Intern) is cooking dinner for the whole staff on Monday, and I was excited so I took on leading up the dinner preparations. I was inspired by the idea of baking everything in a pumpkin. So we're going to have stuffing baked in a pumpkin, and pumpkin pie baked in a pumpkin. We're going to have two different soups made of incredible fresh farm veggies (that I saved from rotting and carefully prepared, cut, and froze!). And then, Carolyn (one of my bosses) said she'd throw in a turkey... she thought we really just had to have one with that meal. and then we had to have cans of cranberry sauce. So, for some reason, it turned into a freaking thanksgiving dinner! But I just love thanksgiving dinner, so it'll be great. Not to mention, that we'll basically OWN the other houses with our totally awesome dinner... whoever cooks next month will be totally intimidated.

that's it. such a long post blech. I've been getting so much sleep this semester it makes me feel like a slacker. but it also makes me not as resistant to sleepy- feelings and the draw of my cozy treehouse bed. I've been sleeping in my sleeping bag for the past two weeks cause it's cozier. It's really no wonder I make so many cocoon/fort/small places in my art and writing and life. When do I break out of this cocoon though!? The metaphor is too strong a symbol of something.

miss you all. what are you up to?
love
aliya

I mailed an eggplant and ended up with a ganoush-off

made 8 pieces of mail art this weekend. i realize now that I over did it-- the collaborative project was to keep adding to things, so I didn't have to make one for everyone, just a few and get them circulating. oh well. what else is new. "ALIYA DOES MORE THAN SHE HAD TO DO, STAYS UP LATE, AND IN THE END MAYBE MAYBE KARMA WILL CATCH UP, BUT PROBABLY NOT."

the other day, to make myself feel bad, I calculated the difference between my sent mail box and my inbox. it was 1480 messages. that means I love everyone else 1480 messages more than they love me. (someone later pointed out to me that I probably delete a lot of emails, right? well, whatever. that messes up my perfect equation of how much the world isn't fair)

This is the kind of thing you're supposed to make art about, right? loneliness? feeling like the world is screwing you over? flipping the bird to the man? I'm not sure how. it always comes out cheesy. Greg told me I just need to stick with something for now, so I don't get stuck, just pick up where I left off, even if that's not totally the direction I want to take my work now. So I'll stick with mail art and finally finish those worn-wire-fabric-shells. And then probably make some more cocoons. cause I'm addicted to cocoons (see almost all previous artwork).

Also, tonight I was officially announced as the baba-ganoush queen of club 66. After an official blind taste test with 4 unbiased judges, it was unanimously decided that my "zesty" and "zippy" "weekend and evening" baba-ganoush reigned supreme over Emily's more "weekday" "eggplant-y" "mild" ganoush. But, all agreed that both are good for different occasions.

surprise! you're already collaborating

today was kinda a lame day in some ways. fire drills early in the morning, and I ended up telling my residents the wrong place to go/I wasn't there myself, and then seeing everyone in their pajamas is sometimes not as fun as a sleepover.

and I realized that my computer, which had a small accident last night when some old cd holder thing fell on the keyboard, now has three keys missing/ Ipulled them off in an effort to fix it (don't worry they're in a bag ready to be fixed tomorrow hopefully by the diagnostic center). I never knew how many times I used the "t" "f" and "c" keys. I have to type slower and more carefully now. and maybe stop using the words "retrospective" and "farty McCain" and "factoid" and "fictitious"

ok but despite all my pent up grouchy-ness, I received TWO pieces of mail art today!! how amazing is that!? A few weeks ago (a week?) I got an email from my friend and Elsewherian resident artist from this summer, Claire vdp. and she invited me to make some art with her -- post apocalyptic, entropy, physics, particles, something. And she's gotten this opportunity to display it in a gallery in New Zealand (where she's from) in December (or October? I can't remember). ANYWAYS. I had said yes (of course) and then kinda forgot about it. And suddenly, I'm a part of this thing! So I called her up (so good to hear your voice claire!) and read up on the blog post-discussions they'd been having without me, and realized that I'm now a part of this mail-art start of a collaboration between me and a bunch of other current and past Elsewherians!! I'm so excited. This is just what I needed. Something to start, something to get me out of "my div 3 must be so significant and important!" so wow! I can't wait. glad to be making my way out of that funk...

also, something claire posted on her blog that I really liked:
"Loneliness is ok if it can be parlayed into poetry or art. Otherwise it is just something we fear and don't want to talk about"

Today I was also talking to Haley after our class (argh. so frustrating. BUT. we talked to the professor and asked for some way to be more challenged, have a more in-depth conversation, and so now we have an extra hour after class with her once a week! Haley and I are going to pounce on that, and do super-facilitation and get some awesome dialogs going on. Start next thursday). We talked about frustrations with justifying (to others but also a lot to ourselves) what we do a "community artists", and how hard it is sometimes because it's not like we have a "medium" in a traditional sense, or a "portfolio" that's really easy to look at. Also, where do we fit into the world? And why is this not appreciated more? And like a super high paying world renowned job??

It was funny (but not) and weird (but not really) hearing her say that she's feeling down or not sure what she's doing is the best thing ever because I admire her and her work so much! It makes so much sense to me and I am constantly happy that Haley is in my life so we can bounce ideas and make sense to each other. I guess it's like a doubt-mirror thing. I don't know what that means but I mean that I know I get really critical of myself a lot, and think whatever I'm doing is shit. But of course there's always someone out there who would be surprised to hear me say that. Because they admire my work.

anyways. not to wrap things up so neatly at the end of every post.

I just got back from checking the art barn and I got a space! It's one of the more front-spaces though, instead of the back wall with more walls, so kinda my second choice. I feel good though, because Greg called me up and so we talked, and he said he wanted to give me a good space, one of the biggest spaces, "handing you the keys to the cadillac" if I wanted it, but I said no, because I really wanted to be on the side of the barn with all the other Div 3 spaces, you know, with the people. cause of all that community stuff I talk about. So it's not my first choice, but I do get to be neighbors with my pal Micah, who's pretty great. AND, Thom and Greg (faculty advisers) had a meeting today to see who was going to take which Div3s on/ be on their committee, and Greg said both of them wanted to be on my committee! They love me!!

So basically, this post is a mash up of emotions and things because that's what I'm feeling lately. I'm going to move into my studio space this weekend, and finish my Div2 portfolio, and make some art. yesssss. and maybe shower.

my division 3 project in one word sentences.

interactive.
sculpture.
installation.
community.
collaboration.
social.
engaged.
collection.
story.
memory.
sharing.
active listening.
spaces.
tactile.
sewn.
fabric.
organic shapes.
worn.
living in the real world.
bodily.

1:23am

modmates waltz in with crowns.
chai tea (tea tea says yash)
the egg casserole is waiting in lil' sassy
(for the breakfast crew)
fire-hazard art is waiting in the living room
(for the fire drills)
my projects are waitingunfinished
but the piles are waitingbeautifulready
early bird and night owl
i can never choose one but
123 is my favorite time of night

classes

today I had my first Div 3 arts concentrators seminar. and I felt all mixed. First, I looked around the room and was really confused. Why are all these people that I love and have taken all my other art classes with not here now??? And then I realized it... they graduated. damn it. my mentors are gone!!! So then I looked around and realized, ok, yes, some of these people are my people... kids who have been in my art classes since Sculpture Tutorial and familiar faces I trust and admire their work. So that was good. I just have to open up my eyes to new people and, more importantly, people I've made haisty judgements about. SO, aliya, open your freaking eyes a little. I made a guide this summer about "How not to hate" and sometimes I'm really bad at following it.
I also have to be super-optimistic about my other class, "Art, Community, and Cultural Diversity". Today in class the teacher showed a movie and people started whispering loudly to each other about nothing like it was HIGH SCHOOL. geeze. But, on the bus back to hampshire, me and three other Hampshire kids in the class had our own small, "Advanced 397BB" class and talked about how we were going to make this great whether it was heading that way or not. so I feel optimistic.

Despite feeling down right now, I am feeling good. it's lovely being Div 3. I love the idea of really putting my all into one project and making it for real awesome. The thing is that right now I feel behind, and lost, and confused because I don't have everything worked out or ironed out or even talked about. AHHHHHH!!!!

By thursday I'll (hopefully) have a studio space in the art barn so I can start having an excuse to just start making work. Instead of just thinking about it so much. Or sending out emails and then being annoyed when I don't receive them back right away. One idea I had was to make my studio space into a part "listening booth" and build a fort or something cool in there that would be a semi-permanent installation. And I'd have a sign up sheet next to it, and anyone could come sign up for it and I'd listen to them for half an hour. Like an on-going experiment in active listening.

Last night we had our first mod meeting and talked about so many awesome things. I have the most adorable mod ever. I made everyone take a family portrait, first in height order, and then pretending we're all friends. or in a sitcom show. It was a really great night. which makes me feel stupid when I start missing the groups and people and places I'm not in. So I'm going to focus on the people I have here right now.

how are you?
I'm great - never been better!
toyboatoyboatoyboat.
goodnight lovely readers.

36 ideas in one day

The school year is off! Starting today I came up with 36 ideas for my Division 3 in two hours. My goal is 50 by noon tomorrow.

I'm taking a class at Umass, "Art, Community, and Cultural Diversity" which I'm pretty excited about. I think it will give me a good background in writing grants and presenting myself as a community artist and getting funding for my projects, as well as discussing how to responsibly engage with the communities I'm working with. I hope the fact that it's a "communications" course instead of an art course will be great, and challenging. I'm hoping that the emphasis on community involvement and real-life application that the professor said was key to the course really is key!

I'm settling into school and getting ready for an exciting year. My room is set up and I'll hopefully be moving into the art barn soon, and making the living room area of my house more live-able instead of junk-piled. Check back soon for more cohesive and content-filled posts. Right now I'm feeling too overpowered by the impressive amounts of balloons from the Republican National Convention.